Early 2004.
More often than not, you find yourself just ‘You’, standing alone amongst a mass of beings around; feeling silence in all the chaos they make; seeing things which otherwise would not have been captured in the REMs of our eyes; A sudden burst of mixed emotions that takes you through highs and lows at speeds that beat your mind’s speed too!
You don’t need anyone, might want someone. You feel a surge of energy that defeats the conservation of energy laws.
Anger and Sympathy, Hatred and Love, Celibacy and Lust, Greed and Simplicity alternating your thoughts on what you want, need and wish for. Questions without a question mark, those that had always been answers to ourselves and to others now posing a mammoth danger in our own self!
You are on the verge of revisiting your value system – but on a tensed rope of opposites! You relive your subculture and find yourself and alien. Flashes of past that is history makes you feel on better stands ‘cos here you are, despite mistakes, highs and lows.
You need to breathe hard, shout, scream, walk, trot, run, sit, sing, cry, dance, drink, kiss, fall, rest, sleep … all at once – now at this moment!
This is like, say, a labour process that may take minutes or hours, puts you through Pain, Glory, Past, Future, Old and New, You and Others – those moments of alternating feelings with so much inside you spilling out yet not all … There it begins and it has to end. Those few hours!
Like it, ain’t it?
And you come out as a newborn child – perfect or limping – but New!
I call it RE-SELF-REALISATION!
All over again!
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